Body Cracked Like Porcelain

And it's done, I've completed my mid semester exams and I do what I always do. I build up in my mind that the exams are going to be ridiculously hard, so I stress out hardcore, snapping at everyone and generally not everyones favourite person. Rock up to the exam and read through to find it easy, I always do that. Or I do the opposite come in thinking I'm prepared, start the exam and find I'm up shit creek and well generally fuck up like I did with 2 of my Japanese exams this semester.

Why can't my stupid brain stress like a normal person instead of these fluctuations, it's just like year 12 all over again. I put myself under all this pressure then I explode and end up in a puddle of depression. I'm sick of my mind and all it's defects. Give me a new one free from defects. I'm sick of the moods and all the misconceptions people have about mental health problems. My inability to let go and just cry and deal with my emotions. I'm so emotionally crippled.

I don't know how I'm going to survive another 2 years of university with a full timetable doing 5 subjects a semester. I think the only way I can do it is to extend my degree by a year or I'll just become an unpleasant stress head 24/7. I've got 2 papers to write, a folio to do and do my photos for the Canon 5 Competition, why do I do this to myself. Right now I just feel like closing my eyes, going to sleep and waking up to find everything is fixed. I should stop listening to the Brand New demo's they just make me want to cry.


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Now playing: Brand New - Untitled 02
via FoxyTunes